Working from the premise that mental skills, like physical skills, need training and practice to develop, Lynn Lyons offers coaching tips for parents on how to develop problem-solving capacity in children.<\/p>\n
She addresses the question, \u201cIf you know you\u2019re a worrier or have an anxiety disorder yourself, where should you start?\u201d Researchers like Golda Ginsburg have demonstrated that when anxious parents are educated about how to change their own behaviour, they dramatically interrupt the future development of anxiety in their children.<\/p>\n
Lynn recommends that \u201ca good and concrete first step is recognizing and shifting catastrophic language\u201d. Catastrophic language, pointing out the worst potential outcomes, lectures and \u201csafety chatter\u201d, excite a child\u2019s imagination and build a sense of the world as a dangerous place. She states, \u201cWhen you model catastrophic reactions, you are teaching your child to do the same. Yelling at children teaches them how to yell. Hitting children teaches them how to hit. Freaking out? Avoiding? Expecting danger at every turn? They learn that, too\u201d<\/p>\n
She suggests some language models that might feel strange initially, but are worth practising so that they begin to feel natural:
\n\u2022Wow, I am really frustrated\/upset\/worried about this. I\u2019m going to stop and think for a minute. Any ideas about what we should do?
\n\u2022I need you to do some planning first. If you\u2019re going to go, then you\u2019ll need to think a few steps ahead.
\n\u2022That is NOT a good idea. Can you think why I might say that?
\n\u2022Things are not going well right now. We\u2019ll handle it, but I need a moment to figure this out.<\/p>\n
Lynn points out that an anxious child or youth will want certainty and will ask questions over and over, but over a range of topics. She suggests, \u201cWhen you constantly work to answer specific questions (even when you yourself don\u2019t have the answer), you offer a short term fix (that\u2019s addressing CONTENT), but when you teach a child how to tolerate and manage new situations, you teach them a PROCESS that works in a much more general way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Some suggestions Lynn makes for exercises to try include:
\n\u2022At dinner, ask each person to talk about an unexpected thing that happened that day and how they handled it.
\n\u2022If a child asks a question such as, \u201cWhat happens if I forget to get off the bus at my stop?\u201d, rather than reassuring or providing an answer, let the child come up with a solution by asking, \u201cWell, let\u2019s figure that out. What could you do?\u201d
\n\u2022Exercise the \u201cmental muscle\u201d by regularly trying new or challenging things. Use a white board or stickies, or put marbles in a jar, anytime a family member tries something new or steps out of the \u201cworry-driven comfort zone\u201d, such as trying a new food, taking a new class, etc. The goal is to celebrate the experiment, not just the outcome.<\/p>\n
Originally published: https:\/\/www.keepingintouchbc.com\/blog\/2018\/4\/26\/calming-anxiety-in-kids-a-secret-is-to-stop-saying-calm-down?utm_source=Keeping+In+Touch+BC+eNewsletter&utm_campaign=a28a74cff2-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_04_27&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_69756efad5-a28a74cff2-113566301<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Working from the premise that mental skills, like physical skills, need training and practice to develop, Lynn Lyons offers coaching tips for parents on how to develop problem-solving capacity in children. She addresses the question, \u201cIf you know you\u2019re a worrier or have an anxiety disorder yourself, where should you start?\u201d Researchers like Golda Ginsburg…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n